Monday, February 06, 2006
I have so many bad habits. One of them is staying up past my usual bedtime. That is my most vulnerable time to eat more than my share of food, in terms of calories, in a 24 hour day span. I ate a large bowl of vegetable soup with lamb. I thought when I rose in the morning, I would still feel somewhat full. I was hungry as usual. My weigh-in is coming up and same old, same old. I am always willing to scrutinize my eating habits for a couple of days but hardly ever ready to take it to the limit of 24/7. I do have a lot of success stories of 60 pounds lost at one time, but I fall back into one more taste, one more function, one more reward of food, nobody else cares about my weight so why should I, and I am at a happy place with contentment why try to change a comfy zone, and then there's the really silly rationalization. That mere 60 pounds did not get me where I needed to go (160#) so why even bother? If only I could have saved or banked that loss, I would have had to do it three times to reach my goal. Then I would have an easier time at maintaining instead of trying to constantly lose. I have heard, though, maintaining or trying to lose the last ten pounds is a struggle also if you never use behavior modification and change all of the bad habits that got you fat in the first place. I don't feel hungry when I am at the computer and doing an entry, if only I could do this forever. I didn't say it would make sense, I just like to talk. Is that a cry for attention? Sometimes I don't understand myself. I thought I shunned away from crowds and people using their peepers at me.