Wednesday, May 24, 2006
This post has no tips, facts, interesting information, diet directions, or encouraging reports about my last weigh-in. I'm too embarrassed about the blah attitude I now have and how my priority list has shifted unwillingly. If you can relate, get your blanket and pillow, this is going to be a long nightmare. Why is it my heart and head don't get along anymore? I can still think rationally. I know if I want to continue to live out the rest of my life I need to improve my health, staying obese is not the intelligent way. To take care of that business, I need to be my first priority. I'm a list person and I was on top of that list January, February, and part of March. My heart was happy and agreeable. Now my heart won't comply. It thinks it has a mind of its own. I can't find the strength to climb up that list over and over again, the word "me" keeps hiding at the bottom of the totem pole. Right now until things go back to what they were two months ago, the "diet word and efforts" has a complacent place in my head but not in my heart. I pray about everything but one of the tools I use here on earth to make decisions or solve a problem is a pen and plenty of paper. This whole week I'll write down the reasons I think my two body parts are in conflict. Anger is in the head which gives reasons but hurt is in the heart that feels the love and these feelings have to be addressed. (Here's how I'll do it.) [Write down in black and white the assumed reasons, that process can be very healing. It gets us in touch with our true inner feelings. Writing clarifies emotions which have been confused and buried in us sometimes for many years. It also sets down our grievances in black and white and places a boundary around them. Continue to write out your heart until you finally see that there is a limit to how much you have been hurt. Our grievances are only so big and no bigger. The hurt had a beginning, and it can have an end as well. After writing out our feelings we will find it helpful to give away what we've written in some way. Perhaps we will want to read it to a person not involved in the hurtful situation. Put it away a couple of weeks and reread it again to ourselves and you will find we are already feeling a little better about the situation, that our pain is not as great as it was when we first wrote it down. Symbolically release the hurt by burning the writing or shredding it and throwing the pieces away. Pray for the person who hurt you. Having forgiven wrongs done to us, we find the greatest obstacle to our willingness to make amends has been removed.] We can be "willing" to do something we don't want to do. Now that's when the head tells the heart this is what we will be doing! Well, that nightmare in itself felt good to talk about. Thanks for the trip to the couch. I think I'm ready to talk the diet talk and walk the diet walk again. Yes I am a compulsive eater and I gained 13.50 pounds. Blah blah blah. See you lighter when.