wondering

I wonder why I never have any comments at the end of any of my postings? Is it because there is not one person out there who is dissatisfied with the shape of their body? Is it because I haven't developed this site in color or elaboration. Maybe I have too many grammical errors. Is it possible I really belong in a chat room instead? I wanted a Web Site to start off with but It was too complicated at that time. Where are all the people? Do I need to ask a question that requires a response? Do you have any suggestion to lead me in the right direction? Alright heres my question: How boring is this think off the fat mentality?

hooray

At my weigh in I lost 2 1/4 pounds. Ahh..... the madness behind it; a 70 hour fast of water only, extra sessions of exercises, leaving my orthotics out of my shoes, taking my large barrette out of my hair, changing my tennis shoes for slippers, no socks, and wearing the lightest clothes I own (I'm sure because I weighed them on a postal scale), and last of all not having water to drink no matter how dry my tongue got until I had my weigh in. Now that I see this in black and white, I realize how insane I am. Let's see next week what measures I take to score a loss.

Cycle

Here it is Monday again and I had a two day weekend at two different kinds of gatherings where there was an abundance of food; that which I haven't learned to conquer yet with portioned amounts that agree with my goal of eating less. Another 8 pound gain, so I'm on my fast until Tuesday weigh in. I'm caught up in this cycle of destroying my past efforts in weight loss and following it with a punishment of fasting. I know I need help!

tired of

not being able to cross my legs
not fitting in the seat at a booth in a restaurant
people acting like my fat is catchy
being asked when I am due
being treated like a garbage disposal and offered leftovers off of peoples plates
people looking at the food I am eating when I am out

hooray

Hooray for me! I lost four pounds in one week. Well, I did cheat and do a one day fasting of water only. Not to mention this whole week of three digit numbers in heat, which had me sweating like I was in a sauna.

misc.

FACT:Nutrition wise you can replace fruit servings with vegetables but do not replace vegetable servings with fruits.

JOKE:Consider restricting your future calorie intake if; within the last month; you have burned out more than two refrigerator bulbs.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:"You will never change what you tolerate."

fasting

Yesterday was my fasting day. I am willing to try a fast after a 5 day binge to get myself back on track. It is always hard for me but I kept myself busy and away from the temptation of food. It also helped that I didn't have any money to buy anything to eat outside of the house. I returned home and had only a couple of hours before bedtime. Being gone all day, I had a lot to catch up on before I turned in for the night. Victory today. My binge cost me 8 pounds. I just want to weigh what I weighed last Tuesday, for now.

my profile

1-11-05 tues 7:32 pm Welcome again obesity does hurt in more ways than one.

PROFILE: 1. Weight problem
2. Couple years of community college
3 .Last job market research
4. Like to keep a positive attitude
5. Had a 34 yr old son that was murdered

LOVES: 1. My family
2. Principles and morals
3. All kinds of music
4. Animals
5. Sports cards

ASPIRATIONS:
1. Write a book
2. Do a web site
3. Do a blog site
4. One on one counseling "grief expression"
5. Fulfill my mission in life

DISLIKES:
1. Kinds of abuse
2. Dishonesty
3. Injustice
4. Depravity
5. Financial distress

Please be patient with me that original welcome was a just get registered ploy. Now I have to learn how to present and compile information that pertains to my journey of trying to lose weight and develop a healthier life style. Bottom line is I want to live longer and be happier.
As I learn how to develop this site in an interesting format I will then jazz it up with color and style. Patience is a virtue. Thanks to all, keep in touch if you care for a reply.

between the ears

What I think, what I feel, and what I do are all computed in my brain within the distance between my ears. I have got to reprogram my data with a good habit, one at a time. the easiest one for me to do is #5 from my list posted on the 11th, "become more active." I will make a commitment on paper to myself and anyone reading this who can relate to my struggles, my compulsions, my obsessions, and the search for the thinner inner self we all want to finally come out!

Don't think for one minute I wasn't the couch potato queen. I kept everything within my reach every day for over a year. I kept handy these main items: 1 gallon of cold water, the telephone book, the phone, my purse, 2 TV controls, a vcr control, a DVD control, movies, a portable radio, cassettes, a tall kitchen trash can for papers, reading materials, tablets of paper, plenty of writing implements, bird seeds to sort through, TV guides, and of course plenty of diet info to glance at In case I was ready to get back up on the wagon. I am like a food-a-holic. It is easier for me to control my day with fasting of water only, then it is for me to eat a small amount of food.

I will give myself six weeks of working in my new habit and six weeks of a bad habit being dropped. That bad habit is #29 from my list posted on the 13th, "go to different fast foods at one time." That seems like the easiest one for me because my transportation is limited at this time.

thinking

Before I begin spouting off at the mouth, I will next list the good habits I replaced with after dropping the bad habits. These lists I have compiled took me many months of journalizing before I ate, after I ate, and after critizing myself for allowing the food to control me. I even did soul searching as to why I use food as an emotional comfort zone. I have made so many discoveries. I can hardly wait to share my inner most thoughts with like people who fight the battle of the bulge daily!

List of the good habits that will give me what I want:
1.find a program
2.work it with consistency
3.eat only from the food pyramid
4.no more second helpings
5.become more active
6.incorporate support
7. leave a little on my plate
8.no extra salt
9.no saturated fats
10.no eating meals after 7:30pm
11.no empty sugar calories
12.take a vitamin with minerals
13.eat three meals
14.journalize
15.set small goals at a time
16.pray for strength/meditate
17.be informed, read up on nutrition, vitamins, exercise, and diets for motivation
18.drink water all day long at least 8 to10 glasses
19.drink soda on occasions only, make it diet, leave more room for water
20.always have some kind of nutrition in the morning

continued list from the 11th on bad habits I want to change:
9.use a lot of butter
10.use a lot of mayo
11.eat a lot of cheese
12.clean other people's plates
13.never leave a drop of food on plate
14.eat often at a buffet
15.cover my whole plate with food
16 stack up my food
17.eat 'till it hurts
18.always the last one finished eating
19.eat so much, I need prune juice
20.eat very late at night
21.never say no to food offers
22 eat everybody's left overs, can't stand to see food wasted
23.always sedentary after eating
24.eating the wrong foods
25.too many carbs of the wrong kind (insulin resistant
26.like to hide what I eat
27.eat while standing up
28.go to different fast foods at one time
29.embrace my trigger foods
30.skip breakfast
31.when I miss a meal I always feel free to double up on the next meal

I commit to changing the thinking that interferes with my getting well, losing weight, gaining strength, and having control. I will look at the thinking before the action and then decide on what course of action would benefit me better. Here is a list of bad habits I want to change:

1.Skip meals
2.Eat when not hungry
3.Always have seconds
4.Never drink liquids with a meal until after I'm full
5.Don't chew for a long time
6.Eat very fast
7.Always crave dessert
8.Use a lot of salt