fooling myself

Yesterday a group of us went to a buffet. That's not a good place for me to be. I thought I had things under control by bring one plate at a time back to the table. I skipped the salad bar. My meat plate was full in layers. I could have eaten another plate. Have your dessert and quit I said to myself. Yes that was full also. On my way back to my seat I saw tables of people turn their heads and stare at what was on my plate. I did not get that reaction with the hot food. Let's see now does that mean fat people are not allowed desserts? Or is it a response to someone saying look at that, no wonder she's so fat! All of the sweets were not enjoyable. I do have a bad habit of not wanting to waste food so I ate that also. I didn't like the sweet taste left on my tongue so I went back for a couple of potatoes and some mushrooms. Yes I was totally full but not stuffed to the gills. I thought I did, not too bad, and at the end of the night I found out how wrong I was. I had on a new pair of slacks that ripped open in the back from my torso down through my pant leg. It was thirteen inches long. I usually try to always make myself look good (not physically) by trying to save face. I pat myself on the back and say that's a step in the right direction for today. I never make another posting that same day telling how I mess up. My excess weight is there for all the world to see what a fool I am.